The Players You'd Least/Most Like to Meet in a Dark Alley

Everyone has heard the old saying, "I wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley." Well, we decided to put our heads together and figure out the NBA players who we would least like to meet in a dark alley and most like to meet in a dark alley. No need to keep you waiting. We present the final cuts!

Least Like to Meet in a Dark Alley (In No Particular Order)

Delonte West: Possibly not human, definitely packing heat and it is probably hidden somewhere unexpected unless you are Antonio Banderas (i.e. a guitar case). If your mom is with you, your fright should go up tenfold.

Eddy Curry or Oliver Miller: A high probability that you would look like dinner.

DeJuan Blair: He is 6 ft. 7 in. and weighs 265 lbs. It is suggested you play dead on sight.

Brian Scalabrine: Cartman was right. You can't and shouldn't trust gingers.

Kevin Garnett: It only happens when his team is winning, but he gets a look in his eyes that is common among violent offenders.

David Stern: He is very powerful. It is likely that he can levitate.


Most Like to Meet in a Dark Alley (Again, In No Particular Order)

Shaq: If the Big Shamroq/Shaqtus/Aristotle cornered you in an alley it would most likely lead to something awesome, like being on a game show. This could result in winning money. Plus he was in Kazaam.

Kyle Korver: Because it may actually be Ashton Kutcher and you may be on Punk'd (is that show even on anymore?).

Any Spaniard, Argentine, or player from a Slavic country: If you made contact with him, he would likely flop and you could get away.

Muggsy Bogues: Because he dressed like an elf one Christmas ('tis almost the season) and it was phenomenal.

Baron Davis or James Harden: Because there is so much we don't understand about the beard. Is shampoo and conditioner used? If so, how often? Is it routinely combed? Is it greasy? Is it used to store an emergency supply of food? Can I touch it?

Who would you least/most like to run into in a dark alley?